Thursday, April 26, 2007

"Didn't you tell me to live every week like it's 'Shark Week'? And that nothing's impossible except dinosaurs?"

Killer line-up tonight, folks, so start your pregaming for Fever early and let the cloud of alcoholism and entertainment descend upon you. Behold:

7:00: After the only thing anybody really had to talk about was who raised the most money, haircuts and Hillary Clinton's terrible southern twang, there's a legitimate step towards the 2008 election as the Democrats head on down South Carolina way for a mini/mega-debate on MSNBC. Mini because it's only supposed to last ninety minutes (which is perfect, as we'll get to in a moment), there's no opening or closing statements and responses are only supposed to be sixty seconds. It's mega in the fact there's eight candidates involved. WaPo has your breakdown, and it should be interesting to see how long the courtesy lasts before everyone starts taking pot-shots at Hillary and Obama.

7:05: Your last place New York Yankees unleash super-phenom-omega prospect Phil Hughes on the overpaid AJ Burnett and the Toronto Blue Jays. I get tired of the endless Yankees/Red Sox hype, but Sunday night's back-to-back-to-back-to-back home run spree was awesome.

8:00/10:30: Your TNT NBA double-header, featuring the Magic hosting the Pistons and the Suns traveling to Los Angeles. There's two 2-0 series deficits in play here, but as they say, a series isn't a series until somebody loses on their home court. That being said, neither team has a freaking prayer, especially the Lakers who have never looked worse then they did on Tuesday night. Jazz host the Rockets in the same position on NBATV at 9:00, but I'm not sure they'll team will be able to hold serve at home with the T-Mac/Yao death combo teamed up with the Battier/Hayes Intangiblesfest.

8:30: Just as the debate ends, a new Office that apparently has Michael giving a press conference about some improperly water stained paper that made it out of the office and into some prom invitations. I could just say "New Office" and left it at that, but wanted to give a heads-up.

9:00: The 30 Rock finale, but only a season finale since the good people at NBC already picked it up for next season. Despite the low ratings, their Thursday night schedule is awesome, but it just gos to show without laugh tracks, the American public at large just can't get comedy. Honestly, if How I Met Your Mother gets cancelled while shit like Two and a Half Men and Rules of Engagement live on, heads should roll. (And no, Alec Baldwin, you can't leave.)

9:00: Not watching Grey's Anatomy, that's for damn sure, and fantastic television writer Alan Sepinwall explains why. I would definitely watch the spin-off, though, depending on what time slot they put it in.

(Just kidding. Tivo negates the need to worry about silly things like "time slots". And speaking of bad television - Studio 60 - Slate explains why it didn't work and why Entourage, even when nothing is happening as far as plot progression on a level akin to Lost like the first three episodes of this run, is still enjoyable.)

10:00: Your nightly double-dose of Chain Reaction, the best game show of television without question. Do you know how you could go on Jeopardy, Price Is Right, Millionaire or Wheel of Fortune and be giving questions or bad luck that knock you out? Under no circumstances would I, with the team that would come along with me, lose at Chain Reaction. Money in the damn bank, people.

I'm going to get in touch with why the Wisdom of Crowds leads me to a new plan on how the Pirates should be run, but we'll get to that at a later date when there isn't one last paper separating me from the luxurious rays and humid air of my last guaranteed summer of freedom. I will drink it, as it always goes down smooth.

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