Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Everything You Need To Be Caught Up With......"Snakes On A Plane"

Although it doesn't open until August - how much does that suck? - Snakes On a Plane has already captured the hearts of millions, or at least thousands, across the nation. If you missed the original rush to hop on the bandwagon when they announced the movie, and then the second, bigger rush when they released the trailer, I'm going to walk you through this, just because everyone needs to be totally prepared for this monumental breakthrough in cinema.

The Premise: Well, there are some snakes...and they're on a plane. It's slightly more complicated than that - a hitman actually released the snakes onto the plane in an attempt to kill a witness under federal marshal (See: Bad-Ass Mother-F*ckin' Samuel L. Jackson) protection - but once the snakes get released, do you, I or anyone on that plane care why? It's survival, man!

The Fact: I belive it's been stated by both Jackson and the director that they were going to rename the film Pacific Air Flight 121, but Jackson said he'd back out. And rightfully so, because that title is confusing, and doesn't help anyone understand what's going on. Singin' In The Rain. House of the Dead. Batman. Those titles are clear and concise. They let you know what's going on, and that's important.

The Fact #2: They actually did go back and reshoot scenes so they could bump the rating up from PG-13 to R. That's the kind of commitment I want from my filmmakers: A cold-blooded quest for the most violent, nude and profane movie possible. The pure genius that is FameTracker actually went back and added this theory to some recent releases, and I'll be damned if they all don't look better.

The Trailer: Although already linked to and posted on this blog, you can find the trailer here, although you may need a flash plug-in. Don't forget, you can also submit your own original music which could actually be feautred in the movie. If you need to kill time, go to YouTube and just search for Snakes On A Plane, finding a variety of hilarious and terribly unfunny mock trailers made up. In fact, I'll do it for you right here.

Wikipedia: The good folks at Wikipedia over course have everything covered, from listing a few more cast members to linking you to comedy-approved sites. That'll be found here.

The Awesomeness: If you just read over this manifesto and don't find this whole thing just totally awesome, you have no soul nor sense of humor. Embrace the Snakes. This is something even Indiana Jones could get behind. Embrace it. Love it. Don't fight it.

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