Tuesday, June 28, 2005

NBA Draft Diary - 2005, Satellite-Failure, Real World-edition

WARNING: Incase you couldn't tell from the title, this is pretty hoops heavy once the rain clears. I promise, though, this is going to be the last extended basketball post of the summer. No more mentions of lottery picks or collective bargaining agreements.

Also, this thing was not editted, just posted. Sorry for the numerous errors bound to follow.

So I was really excited for the draft all day – like, more excited than I could put into words – and now with five minutes until the draft a storm has rolled in and we’ve lost satellite. I’m still pretty excited, as Dill is annoying the hell out of Kody while eating ice cream, but my day spent doing draft research is worth nil unless we get some satellite back. Real World: Austin episode two was tonight, and the Buccos had taken a 1-0 lead over the powerful Washington Nationals, a team a lot of people still aren’t sure exists.

Thanks to my Aunt Bert, I’m typing this up with a shiny new wireless keyboard. It’s definitely brightening my evening, and I now have an “F” key. Win-win situation for everyone.

7:30: The Bucks should be lining up to draft Andrew Bogut now, making the mighty University of Utah the only school to have the number one pick in both the NFL and NBA drafts. Instead, we’re discussing the merits of White Oak golf course vs. Deer Track golf course, and I’m really wanting my TV to work.

7:34: Still no signal, but the sky is clearing. Dill just referred to his vocabulary as “impecuous”, and I’m now considering checking network TV for a distraction.

7:38: I feel the Atlanta Hawks are picking Marvin Williams right about now, then the Jazz are taking Deron Williams after that, followed by Chris Paul to the Hornets. Unless there’s some crazy upset or trade, we really don’t need to be watching this right now.

7:39: I still would very much like to be. :(

7:40: Peter Winter just texted me ”Draft day. Simien. Suit. I think you know what to expect.” That has sufficiently brightened my mood.

7:43: We’re listening to Dane Cook’s Kool-Aid joke. Again, my mood is brightened, but I’d love to see what happens with the 5th pick. It hasn’t rained in a week, and it picks tonight to storm away.

7:53:Jo Bu and Jeff just arrived, stating that the roads are absolutely terrible, and we’re calling Peter Winter to see what’s going on. The first four picks went as I predicted, and it’s looking slightly clearer up the valley. Again, I’d really like to see the fifth pick. This really, really sucks draft wise, although we’re having a good old time telling stories.

7:59: Right now, we’re trying to prove to Dill that Trick Daddy’s “Sugar” says “sugar on my tongue”, not “sugar on my car”. Not only does the word sound nothing like “Car”, but it’s also probably not good to put sugar on your car. Might eat the paint.

8:00: Two hours until Real World. I hope the dish is back on by then. Odds are if it’s not, one of the five of us will be dead.

8:04: We just decided we’re going to see the Blue Oyster Cult/Eddie Money show at Pepsi Roadhouse, and we’ve got SIIIIIIIGNAAAAAAL.

8:09: False alarm. We’re still searching.

8:15: Everyone here agrees that “tongue” sounds nothing like “car” in “Sugar”. If it wasn’t official before, Dill is a retard.

8:30: We’ve got signal, Franky and Bobby are here and the Lakers are on the clock. They select….Andrew Bynum, the prep center who was UConn’s crown recruit. This is awkward, because Kobe needs some help now. The top ten has gone pretty much to form, except the fact Ike Diogu was taken by Golden State. He was projected into the 20’s in some drafts.

8:32: Charlie Villanueva, the devil incarnate, was taken by Toronto with the 7th pick. Apparently he’s been blowing people away with his workouts lately.

8:34: We turn onto the Pirate game to see them down 2-1, but Rob Mackowiak leads the 7th off with a double. Sadly, Rob’s been struggling and his average has dropped 50 points in two weeks. Brad Wilkerson just misplayed his second simple fly ball of the night.

8:36: The more you think about this Laker pick, the more it doesn’t make sense for a team that needed a point guard or some inside help immediately. Danny Granger is probably going to go to the Magic if they’re smart. Frank’s pounding pretzels, we’re making fun of Dill and the Buccos are rallying: Life is good.

8:38: The Magic take power forward Fran Vazquez from Spain, who averaged a whopping 8.4 points and 4.4 rebounds per game. I’m sure he was playing some really fantastic competition over in Spain. We’ve seen two picks, and neither of them have made much sense. Frank just pointed out he kinda looks like Dill in the highlights, and that’s not a good thing.

8:39: Tina just walked in, saw me typing and asked me if I was using my laptop. She’s gone now.

8:40: The Clippers have to taken Danny Granger or Antoine Wright. They need immediate help, and both of those guys could provide it. They’re having the first awkward interview – via translator – with Vazquez. I can imagine Dwight Howard and Fran going out clubbing during the nights.

8:41: Dill and Jeff are really excited about the Clippers pick. They held hands to go get pizza earlier. I wish you could be here. Jack Flash is up with two one and one out, 1-2 count. Jack vs. Ryan Drese and the Elgin Baylor making a lottery pick – the highest of drama.

8:44: Jack strikes out and so do the Clippers, taking Yaroslav Korolev, who is the – and I’m not making this up – “2005 International Dunk Champion for Juniors”. He averaged 3 points and .8 rebounds per game in the Russian League. He’s 6’ 9”…..203 pounds? Wow….I hope the Bobcats make up for this.

8:46: It’s Dick Vitale rant time!! He can’t believe Sean May is being bypassed for these foreign people who he’s never seen play before. He said only one foreign player has made an impact in the last four years, then listed five that have. Thanks Dick, thanks a lot.

8:47: Well, at least Yaroslav can speak English, as his wife videotapes the whole thing. They mustn’t have VCR’s and DVR’s in Russia, so she thinks she needs to tape this.

8:49: Charlotte takes another hometown boy, teaming up Raymond Felton with Sean May. That’ll keep the hometown fans happy, and now Danny Granger has just fallen to my T-Wolves. Everyone is feeling good about this pick, and I’m excited that Granger, Hakim Warrick, Joey Graham or Antoine Wright just landed in Minnesota’s lap.

8:51: We’re discussing Carl Krauser’s future, whether he went back to school at Pitt or is heading to the Euro leagues. He should find ND’s finest, Chris Thomas, playing in the Turkish league there.

(Best Big East Tournament Story, provided by Andy MacKrell: “After Thomas ended the game with a few airballs, I was taking a piss and this other ND fan beside me was talking about Thomas’s draft chances. ‘Them airballs…they’re gonna love that shit in the Turkish league.’” Sadly, Mack’s mad at me for not wanting to go to the OAR concert and wanting to spend quality time with Brendan up in the Dux. Alas.)

8:53: Jeff, Kody and Dill are discussing what a Bearcat tastes like. Again, I wish you could be here. T-Wolves are still on the clock, Pirates are still down 2-1, now in the top of the 8th.

8:55: The T-Wolves take Rashad McCants, and I’m….uh….not very excited. He’s got tremendous- excuse me “upside” – but some attitude problems. Bobby commented that he looks good in the T-Wolves hat, and he really does. I don’t know, hopefully with Spree gone, KG can get him working hard.

8:56: Wow, Roy Williams is one helluva coach. He won a national championship with the 2nd, 5th, 13th and 14th picks in the NBA draft. They’re oozing over McCants right now, and I’m letting myself feel good about this. We just spent a while trying to decipher the difference between Placido Palanco and Juan Palacios. I think it’s figured out now, and Jason Bay just popped out to end the 8th inning. Three more outs for the Buccos…

9:00: We just saw the first Stealth commercial of the evening, and we’re pretty sure Hollywood is running out of ideas. However, War of the Worlds is apparently the best summer blockbuster ever made. Definitely will be checking that out. And I’ve now officially talked myself into the idea that Rashad McCants will be absolutely fantastic with the solid influence of KG to support him.

9:02: The Nets take Antoine Wright, which is interesting, considering they have Vinsanity and RJ. He’ll probably be able to run with Kidd, and can hit some threes, so he should be able to provide a consistent dimension no one on that team – at least in the playoffs- could do. We just told the Len Bias story to Jeff and Bobby, after everyone thought Wright had been shot upon being picked, leading to the question “Do you get another pick if your selection dies right after you select him?”

9:05: We’re getting our first look at Dill’s man-crush, Ian Snell, now relieving for the Pirates. I’m going to have to agree with Dill, because he’s got a Pedro/Roy Oswalt-ish quality to him and has retired the first two batters, Brad Wilkerson on strikes. T-minus one hour until the Real World…, and Gerald Green, the high-school phenom, is still on the board, along with the second best guarantee in the draft behind Deron Williams, Francisco Garcia. The discussion now has turned to the Denver Nuggets and where Garcia will fall to.

9:07: The Raptors take Joey Graham, and David Stern informs us very monotonely that “Joey is not here.” This is a nice pick by the Raptors, and now the Pacers are up. Do they take Garcia to replace Reggie Miller at the shooting guard? His only flaw is that he fouls too much, and with six fouls in the NBA, he’ll be fine.

9:10: They’re playing Blondie as we go to commercial – nothing says NBA like 80’s singers – while Warrick, Granger, Jarrett Jack and Garcia are still on the board. It’s good that they took those high-schoolers and foreign players around the 10th pick.

9:11: As far as Fantastic Four goes, no one out of seven is excited about it and going to see it, and at least four of us think it will suck. That sounds about right.

9:12: The Pacers take Danny Granger, and we’re all nodding. The Celtics are up and it’s the top of the 9th inning, down 2-1, for the Buccos. Needless to say, the drama is high in the Wilson Ranchero Living Room.

9:14: Dill and Franky say Taft will fall to the second round, I’m thinking he’ll go in the mid-20’s and Bob says third round.

(There’s no third round, and we just found out Danny Granger grew up a Jehovah’s Witness. We’re confused.)

9:18: Dill and Franky are fighting, as the Celtics select and Ryan Doumit bats with two outs in the 9th. Doumit pops out right after Gerald Green is taken by Boston. Why don’t the Celtics just trade Paul Pierce and put the youth movement in full force. We’re a little worried that he’s almost 20 and just graduating high school, but nobody said the Ivy League was recruiting this guy.

(This is edited in post-first round, but Holy Cross Pat, super-knowledgeable Celtics fan and jet-ski accident survivor of national acclaim, thinks it’s a good gamble considering they got a guy that could have went at 6 down at 18. Yeah, that makes sense.)

9:20: We really like Gerald’s Celtics hat. We’re going to be making some Z-Hats orders shortly, those are sweet. The Grizzles are going to take Jarrett Jack so The Logo can get rid of Jason Williams. After a Four Brothers commercial got us in a ghetto mood, Frank points out the next Fast and the Furious song will be “Threeee fast….threeeeee furious…..”. Who isn’t excited about that? We also realized that in sports movies, the opposing hitter always has a big wad of chew and the other team always wears black. Not to brag, but we’re pretty smart.

9:24: The Grizzlies go with Warrick, who should be solid despite having no real position, as Jo Bu and Franky discuss the merits of a “Paul Pierce to the Lakers” trade. Other than the fact Kobe and Paul would combine for 50 shots per game, I can’t see how this plan could fail.

(They just showed Hakim dunking on Dennis Lattimore. Hehe…I love it.)

9:25: If the Nuggets don’t take Francisco Garcia with one of their two picks, Jo Bu’s storming out in a rage.

9:27: Whose hotter on Real World, Johanna or Melinda? I’m going with Johanna, Melinda is a slut.

(This is all despite the fact Jo already tried to make out with Danny. I can’t back this up, but now it’s a battle between watching last week’s Real World and John seeing the Nuggets’ pick, meanwhile, Dill is getting violent towards Kody and Jeff.)

9:30: Fran Fraschilla just said Detroit has done well counting international players, as long as you don’t count Darko or Carlos Delfino, their last two international picks.

9:31: Julius Hodge goes about fifteen picks too soon, allowing Francisco to fall to the Suns…hopefully. Dill is predicting Hodge will be really good, and I want everyone to take note of that. Bobby points out Hodge has a receding hairline and is probably 38, meaning Denver just got shafted. He does, however, have a fantastic cream suit on, so it all balances out.

9:37: Bob reasons the Suns wont’ take Garcia because they already have another 32, and he’s proven right, as Phoenix takes Nate Robinson, the best talker in the world. Sadly, he’s 5’ 9”, meaning he and Steve Nash won’t be able to be on the floor at the same time. I wish they would have taken Garcia, but Robinson will fit in fantastically with their up-tempo pace.

9:40: Woah now! They just threw Nate Robinson into the Q-for-Kurt Thomas trade, which swings the trade back towards New York. Stephen A. Smith is really excited about Nate playing in Madison Square Garden. Right…he’ll really change things around for the team that traded it’s only two quality frontline players in the last six months.

(Of course, the Suns have this pick because they traded the Bulls their 2004 first rounder for the Chicago 2005 first- rounder, thinking the Bulls would suck and the two players they wanted, Andre Iguodala and Luol Deng, would be off the board. Only two problems flared up:

1) Deng and Iguodala were both still available at the 7
2) The Bulls were good last year and Phoenix dropped 14 spots in the draft because of it)


9:43: Nuggets pick number two, and they select Jarrett Jack…but this is retarded, because they have two point guards. This is the same situation as last year when they drafted Jameer Nelson and then traded him. I can’t imagine them keeping him, Andre Miller and Earl Boykins. He shan’t stay, but he’s a clutch player and will be good in the NBA for wherever he ends up.

9:46: They’re showing Nehemiah walking out of the bar after arguing with Johanna, the Smartest Move in Reality TV History. The black man leaving a bar in Texas when it’s looking like he’s attacking a woman? I’m excited to see Danny get cold-cocked in the side of the face again.

9:48: Yep, that never gets old. Thank you, MTV production.

9:49: Jo Bu is planning out a trade with the Nuggets moving Jon Barry. Sadly, Barry played for the Rockets last year, so his last ten minutes of talking were nil. The Kings are up, and if they’re smart, they’ll take Francisco. I hope they don’t.

9:50: They do, and this is as bad as Luke Walton going to the Lakers. Please trade him…please trade him….please trade him….

9:52: Who wants to put some sugar on my car?!

9:53: The Rockets take Luther Head, who should be able to fit in nicely for a team that needs some help for T-Mac in the backcourt. Sadly, Luther’s Must Improved is “Point Guard Skills”, so maybe he’s not quite as good of a fit as I thought.

9:56: Frank and I are reciting lines from the Austin trailer, and it’s a blast. ”She’s using you, Wes!!!” “Don’t say I wasn’t a real soldier!” “Don’t play wit’ me, Dad!”. Four minutes until mad fun, which is good, because their appears to be a run of foreigners coming up.

9:59: The Sonics take Johan Petro, who averaged 6.1 points per game with 3 rebounds, but was an All-Star in the French league. They just used the shiny arrow to point out Johan hitting a baseline jumper, and his Must Improve is “Intensity”. John points out that he’s French, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

10:00 REAL WORLD time!!!! We’re going to miss a few draft picks, sorry.

10:02: Here’s a safety tip, Danny: Don’t run through the streets of Austin screaming “Where’s the black guy?” with a camera crew in tow. Rachel’s idea is to go to the Hard Rock and get some milkshakes. They teach her that in the army?

10:04: Melinda looks too much like Paris Hilton, and they’re already plotting her break-up with her boyfriend. I hate the dirty whore. Kody just pointed out Lacey looks just like Ricky Lake, and I’ll be damned: She does!

10:05: ”Hey guys, we just killed a bunch of Saddam’s troops. Let’s hit up the Hard Rock Baghdad for some celebratory milkshakes.”

10:08: While we were gone, Detroit takes Jason Maxiell, who wasn’t on anybody’s board. He was a solid player at Cincinnati, but have they turned out a quality player in the last half-decade other than K-Mart? Risky….risky…

10:10: Portland takes Linas Kleiza, who carried Mizzou for the second half of their season. He’s tough, can hit the three and will be a solid post player. That actually makes sense for the Blazers, who will be without the services of Shareef Abdul-Raheem after this season. That’s not half as interesting as debating how crazy Tom Cruise is, and thankfully since the draft is getting boring, Real World is back from commercial.

10:13: Second-favorite moment from the season premiere: ”Is your name Wes or West?” Their job assignment is going to be based around making a film, and after Rachel makes some half-retarded comment about Michael Moore and him showing dead soldiers. Nehemiah is probably going to end up doing this entire thing on his own: Go, my man, go.

10:16: They waited sixteen minutes into the second episode before Melinda’s boyfriend “writes her off”. She’s really broken up for having made out with Danny last night. Nehemiah attempts to give Mel some advice, but ends up rapping. Bobby sums it up best: ”He’s black, it just flows.”

PS: How does Lacey not have a tan after being in Texas for a few days? No tan at all?

10:20: The Spurs take some random foreign guy whose name I can’t spell, but I’m sure he’ll be an All-Star in three years. I hate you, RC Buford, and I hate the Spurs.

10:22: Bob’s fading fast, now laying out on the floor, and we’re planning a party at Franky’s house this weekend. Jeff, Bobby, John and Franky are taking this opportunity, with the roommates at a film professor’s office, to make fun of Ren Steele’s “Television Production Class”. Nothing’s better than quality Mr. Steele rants. I love that guy to death.

10:26: Cinderella Licenses mean that Jo Bu has to head home already, taking Jeff with him. I wish he’d take Melinda and Danny with him, too, because she’s wearing a towel while professing her love for him. Apparently, Mel has fallen in love with Danny and grown as a person in the week she’s been here.

10:28: I really, really hate Melinda. I’m not sure if I’ve gotten that point across.

10:29: Really disappointing episode of Real World, and the Knicks take David Lee, giving them a quality, smart power forward I was hoping would fall all the way to the T-Wolves. I don’t know who Miami took, but looking at this draft, I’d have to say the Jazz got the guy they wanted and the Bobcats made solid progress with their picks. Bad picks by both LA teams, and a lot of people are going to regret passing on Francisco Garcia.

Franky and Bobby just left, and even after I’ve pretty much started writing off the Real World for this season, I’m a happy guy. This was just the pick-me-up I needed to get me through to the three-day weekend.

Like I have said a thousand times, the NBA Draft is like the NFL draft is they only took running backs, quarterbacks and wide receivers – with the occasional offensive lineman thrown in – just like the NBA gets that random foreign guy. I’m not blogging the second round, as they pick every two minutes and it’s down to myself, Dill and Kody, so we’re retiring for the evening.

Happy Offseason, folks. The blog will be retiring from extended NBA posts for a while, although if a major trade pops up, I reserve the right to completely change that decision.

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