Impromptu Summer Movie Run-Through

Just got back from xXx: State of the Union, and it wasn’t that bad. Granted, I was expecting a Van Helsing-sized catastrophe, but the movie never attempted to take itself seriously, Xzibit ran a chop shop and they shot the Capitol with a tank. A tank! Plus, there’s a completely ridiculous scene where Ice Cube jumps a boat onto a bridge, explosions are going off around him and cops are attempting to shoot him, but Cube just pimp-walks over to his vehicle and casually gets in. The president sucked, but since I look for Bill Pullman onscreen at all times when they’re in the White house, it’s hard to stack up.

Plus, anytime you go to the movies, you get to see the trailers. These all weren’t necessarily attached to xXx, but I will type on them.

Stealth: Best described as Top Gun + 2001: A Space Odyssey + Ray. Jamie Foxx, Jessica Biel and some other random white guy play three top pilots who find out their fourth wingman is a computer, ala HAL. It gets hit by lightning, chaos ensues and Foxx cashes his check laughing. Incase you thought it wouldn’t be any good, it’s directed by the same guy who did the original xXx and The Fast and the Furious.

And yes, that was sarcasm.

Batman Begins: This movie is going to be awesome. I get tinglies every time I see the trailer, as it’s taking the original Burton Batman, which is underratedly awesome, and taking it back even farther. To put it over the top, you get a legitimately scary villain (Scarecrow), throw in a supporting cast to go ga-ga over (Katie Holmes, Morgan Freeman) and get a gritty director (Christopher Nolan, of Memento fame) and it’s going to be fantastic. Barring an Oliver Perez start or fireworks, I’ll be there opening night, no questions asked.

Fantastic Four: It doesn’t look that bad – despite the fact they had to redo the ending after The Incredibles apparently did some of the stuff they wanted to do – but I simply cannot accept Jessica Alba as Mrs. Fantastic. She’s the same age as the Human Torch, which is totally screwed up from the cartoon. The Thing is my dad’s favorite comic book character, and I’m sure if he knew this was coming out he’d be excited to see it, so I’ll probably end up going with him at some time.

And yes, I realize I should be happy to see Jessica Alba at any time, but she’s simply not old enough. I will not argue this.

Crash: Just stumbled onto this one last night, and it comes out a week from today. Don Cheadle leads a stellar cast – sleeper potential right here. Check it out here.

Wedding Crashers: Swingers + The Wedding Singer. Basically, what Livey and I will be doing in seven years if neither of us finds a steady job we want to keep. Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson, with Christopher Walken opposite? Unless Vince sleepwalks like he did through Dodgeball and Wilson is left to flounder on his own, this is going to be fantastic.

House of Wax: Paris Hilton probably dies, which is the only reason I’m mentioning it. I won’t see it, but I’ll definitely download her death scene to keep on file.

Bewitched/Kicking & Screaming: The early screener of Bewitched says it just doesn’t work, and Kicking & Screaming may contain too much Mike Ditka, but the bottomline here is that Will Ferrell is prominently involved in both, and when you get someone on a hot streak like Ferrell is now, you just ride that sucker until it cools down. Anchorman tested it, but held strong, and now he’s going with two in one summer. Go Will, go.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith: Probably the movie that will make me want to go kill someone as soon as I’m done with it – the award won by Collateral last summer – and also the movie that broke up Brad and Jen. I’m not sure what to tell you other than it will be fantastic. It’s can’t-miss, absolutely and totally can’t miss. June 10th, please do not miss it.

(Here's the trailer incase you haven't seen it yet.)

War of the Worlds: I’m just glad there’s a summer blockbuster season so production companies say “Let’s just get Tom Cruise, Steven Spielberg and blow stuff up. Oh yeah, and throw in Dakota Fanning, too.” I’m not sure it’ll be as awesome as the concept leads you to believe, but you know it’ll at least be entertaining with Cruise involved.

That wasn’t thorough – nor will it be until I get my Entertainment Weekly summer movie preview – but at least it gives you some vibe on what I’m looking forward to. Batman Begins will probably get an extended essay at some point in time, because I’m so freaking 9-year old excited for it.

Don't waste too much of this weekend studying.