Monday, February 28, 2005

Looking For Unpredictable Happenings/Love In All The Wrong Places

The 77th Academy Awards are over, and allow me to be the first to say I won't miss them.

The Good

* The length of the show, as they kept it to just a shade over three hours, with the only extended amount of time being spent on a tribute or two. They kept the pace moving even with a bunch of awards nobody cared about, so kudos to them as opposed to the bloated Grammy's.

* Jamie Foxx's predictable win and his great acceptance speech. It was the only lock of the night - because he deserved it - and he was as humble as he's been throughout his award-winning run. Plus, he busted out the "What I'd Say" mmmmm's and ohhhhh's, much to our excitement.

* Chris Rock's hosting job, which had the fantastic opening monologue about waiting on stars, ripped on Jude Law and Colin Farrel, did a great GAP monologue to make fun of Bush and delivered some great one-liners during his introductions. I really hope "his accountants" beat the crap out of Sean Penn.

* Sideways winning for Best Adapted Screenplay and Eternal Sunshine winning for Best Original Screenplay. Not exactly getting Best Picture credit, but they both got their deserved moment in the sun.

* Kate Winslet, who looked wonderful and was so legitimately happy when Sunshine won for screenplay.

* Don Cheadle being classy and Johnny Depp being weird in defeat to Foxx.

* The random short film, or something like that, nominee who pretended to be sleeping in the crowd. That should have won something, dammit.

* Morgan Freeman winning Best Supporting, because he's Morgan Freeman and deserves about a thousand of those. Plus, he kept the speech short and poignant, just like a classy guy would.

* Sean and I's Oscar-watching party members, which included the other two members of Ultra Quad, Tommy, Barcus, Katie and Christina. Despite everything being predictable or going wrong, it was at least enjoyable to watch because of the ability to make fun of random shots of the crowd.

The Bad:

* Hilary Swank's acceptance speech, where she tried to pull the "I can't believe I've been here" after already winning an Oscar for Boys Don't Cry. She was so, I don't know, what's the word, loud, throughout the whole damn, rambling thing. Hopefully there's a run of actresses laying in a bed for the last third of a movie so they too can win Best Actress over three or four other virtuoso performances.

* Million Dollar Baby and Eastwood both winning their respective categories. I can only imagine how pissed off Aviator-Scorsese supporters are for getting completely jobbed in this whole thing, just taking a bunch of crap little awards. Scorsese's going to have to die so his last movie is forced to win an award, no matter how crappy it is, because the Academy feels bad about shafting him over the years. Hopefully Universal can offer a big contract, because you could be seeing this on your theater marquee:

Jackman....Scorsese.....The Mummy.....The Creature from the Black Lagoon....It's Van Helsing........Three!!!!

* Paul Giamatti not winning the Best Actor in the Greatest Oscar of Upset Of All Time, knocking off heavy-favorite Jamie Foxx after not even being nominated. Sideways was still my favorite movie of the year, even if it got jobbed for some cheap tears and Clint Eastwood's icy stare.

* Sean Penn calling out Chris Rock in defense of Jude Law. Could there be two less interesting people to hang out with than Penn and Colin Farrel? Have they ever made a joke in their lives? How much is Jamie Foxx going to have to to carry Farrel through the upcoming Miami Vice movie?

"Hey guys, why the glum faces?"

"What do you mean?"

"You guys look like you're sad."

"We're just brooding. Brooding is hip."

"So you don't smile?"

The conversation would end there as four icy eyes fell upon you. How long did Penn plan his defense of Law? From the opening monologue, or did he see Closer during the show and wonder how Law got snubbed for a Best Actor?

* Lack of Nicholson and Hanks. Were they even there? I enjoy seeing Leo and Jamie, but you gotta have Jack's sunglasses and Hanks' charm for it to be a quality Hollywood event.

* The Academy not using the strip club scene between Clive Owen and Natalie Portman when they showed their Best Supporting clips from Closer. That being said, Natalie Portman is smoking hot.

* The stupid songs, three of which were performed by Beyonce for no apparent reason. Does Jay-Z have pictures of members of the Academy? Not that I mind Beyonce, it was just weird she would sing three different songs. This just further affirms my belief that of the new Destiny's Child profits, Beyonce gets 97%, Kelly Rowland gets the other three and Michelle Williams just gets to hang out and not be a back-up dancer in Nelly videos.

* The random people popping up on balconies and throughout the crowd, especially the incredibly awkward Awards for Technical Merit and Inability To Speak The English Language presented by Scarlett Johanson. I guess it did speed things up, but don't tell me the microphones in the middle of the aisles didn't seem out of place.

* Spiderman 2 not being nominated for Best Picture. I realize this should have came after the nominations, but I still feel it was one of the best five movies of last year.

I'm going to remember more throughout the day, so those will get posted later if I remember to write them down or make a mental note. Happy Monday.

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