Thursday, November 03, 2005

Saving FOX (and "Prison Break"...and "Arrested"....)

I used to mock FOX endlessly. The thought of watching any of the crap they put on TV was laughable at best, because I mean, come on, it was FOX. But over the last year or so, Rupert Murdoch’s vixen has lured me in and made me care about it. It started with Arrested and The OC, but then they added Prison Break, and I can’t resist. I used to love 24 when I watched it, and I know I’d like House, so that makes five shows on FOX I do or would be willing to invest time in on a weekly basis. That’s easily more than every other network when I lay it out, considering ABC and NBC only have me tuning in one time per week (Desperate Housewives and My Name Is Earl, respectively.)

Sadly, FOX is retarded for even thinking about putting Prison Break on hiatus, because you know, they have so many hit shows to go around, so I figure they need some fixing this situation. The main problem is that they have to add American Idol’s hour and a half per week, plus 24. And remember, because FOX isn’t a “real” network yet, they only have two hours of primetime programming per night, meaning the 10:00 spot is unavailable. Let’s think about this.

You can basically keep Sunday night and Friday night as it. Sunday because the line-up of comedies work against the powerhouse dramas of ABC and Friday because it’s a giant black hole in the TV line-up. Saturday is just for COPS, and again, nobody watches TV on Saturday, because there’s no reason to with the loss of Early Edition, Walker, Texas Ranger and The Pretender. I’m also going to keep Thursday night the same, with The OC leading into Reunion or whatever other shmuck FOX wants to plug there. The 9:00 hour on Thursday is tough enough against CSI, and when you throw in the fact most people watching The OC have limited attention spans, you’re not going to keep many viewers around.

That leaves us with six hours of programming from Monday through Wednesday to fit in four hour-long dramas, a couple of half-hour comedies and at least an hour and a half of American Idol. This is going to be interesting.

So Monday night we’re going to get rid of Arrested and whatever they planned on putting after it, since Kitchen Confidential is sadly deceased. Granted, I don’t want Prison Break or 24 airing at 8:00, because they’re definitely a little more weighted for the 9 or 10 realm, but we don’t have a choice. People will watch 24 no matter where it is, so we’re going to plug it in at 8:00, with Prison Break keeping it’s current position at nine. They’d be a beautiful alternative to the comedies of CBS, the fluffiness of NBC’s Las Vegas and whatever crap ABC plans on replacing Monday Night Football with. Monday night is set.

Best show on TV right now? I do believe.

Tuesday night is American Idol night, and this is where the choice has to be made. Do you keep House at home in it’s 9:00 slot, or do you hope the ratings boost for Idol elevates Bones, which is a moderate hit, to a slightly higher level? I say you keep House where it is at 9:00, preceded by the unstoppable monster that is Ryan Seacrest. Hugh Laurie and bad singing reign supreme on Tuesday night.

Was going to put a picture of Ryan Seacrest, but he's so much more bad-ass.

Wednesday is dangerous at the 9:00 hour because Lost resides there, sucking away viewers from Bones or anything else FOX could stick there, save for maybe 24, but why waste one of your only proven commodities in a battle you simply will not win. I’m going to put Bones there, hoping that it gains enough viewers during it’s time on Tuesdays that people will keep tuning into David Boreanz, even if it’s only when Lost is in repeats.

Like a magical, hungry polar bear, Lost eats up all of it's Wednesday competition.

And at the 8:00 hour is when I get selfish. 8:00 rolls around, bam, American Idol results show for half an hour. Huge happy fun times in the ratings, with the overflow enough to help any show, which leads me to the new home for Arrested Development. It’s a gaping hole on most networks schedules, so it means Jason Bateman and company will be going against Yes Dear, Freddie and E-Ring. Odds are, only one of those shows might make it until January when the scheduling reshift would happening.

I just really love this picture.

Who gets shafted in this? Well, That 70’s Show disappears, but do you think anyone would really notice? If you miss it that much, team it up with King of the Hill, Kitchen Confidential, Stacked or old Simpsons reruns and throw it on Friday nights in place of Criminal Minds, which I don’t think will be around in a month anyway.

So there you go, a powerful, dramatic Monday night, a fun Tuesday night and a Wednesday night that might just save Arrested, albeit hurting a lot of Bones potential in the process. But when you’re trading the longevity of Bones for keeping Prison Break and Arrested on the air, isn’t that a swap anyone would make?


The OC returns tonight, if any of you were unawares. That’s a very, very good thing, as the month long hiatus both flew and crawled by all at the same time.

Famous last words: ”I would never cheat on Ryan.”

Whose excited?

Dear Summer, We've missed you. Love, Red-Blooded American Males.

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